Living A Lie
by Visionary01
Summary: follows the life and legacy of an unknown crew member on Voyager


Living A Lie  
  
  
SSSEEEW!  
  
Phaser fire. I'd recognize that sound anywhere. And with an aunt like Idna, it was blood-chilling. I turned on my heel, my eyes instinctively searching the floor for her, like something in me already knew she'd been shot. And, like a nightmare I'd had when I was young, I saw her. The lifeless and phaser-burnt form of Liro Idna, the woman who raised me and made me who I am, lay at the feet of a tall, uniform clad Starfleet officer. A wave of nausea swept over me. The officer stepped easily over my aunt's still body, and I saw him glance at a group of children playing quietly in the only open area of the room. Then he looked up, and his blue eyes locked on mine. Nausea turned to fear. Oh no, was my first thought. He knows who I am.   
From the first day that I found out about Idna's business, until the last time I saw her, Idna made one thing clear to me; all this was her fault. It wasn't mine. And if anything ever happened to her, I was to run. I was to hide, come out when the coast was clear, find a place to go, change my name (because I'd signed some of the papers), and make for myself a new life. I never thought I would have to. I always said, "Idna, if anything ever happened to you it will happen to me. I'll never leave you." And those words rang in my ears as I did what Idna told me to, and ran.  
Ran, like the coward I never wanted to be, and hid. Hid behind a crate, with the beautiful lettering of my people on the side. Medical, the box said. Medical supplies. At least whoever was hauling this was doing it with a good cause. Though, these were the same crates that held the weapons Idna traded for her "merchandise." Oh well, perhaps the same crates carry on a variety of purposes. I hoped so, anyway. If they didn't, it would be a double whammy for me, and probably for the guy dealing this stuff. I can see it on my record now, "involvement in the dealings of illegal narcotics and weaponry." Has a ring to it, don't you think?  
The metallic clink of Federation issue boots resounded in the otherwise silent halls, interrupting my calming thoughts. My heart began to race again. He would find me at any second, and I needed to be ready to split. I heard his voice, the voice I'd heard over the comm system when we docked. "Welcome to Deep Space Four. Please proceed to the bay doors located on either side of the hanger." Only now, he said, "Has a young girl passed through here in the past few moments?"  
"No, and none will until we leave, if they know what's good for them."  
I seriously doubted that there were medical supplies in those crates. I could hear the skritching and beeping of one of those Starfleet pencils, followed by outraged cursing in Klingon. I only knew it was Klingon because they stop by Idna's often, normally for the narcotics. They seem to truly enjoy them.  
"What the (profanity) is 'harassment of an officer of the law?'"  
It means you ticked him off, nitwit.  
Slowly, the officer replied, "It means, you cursed at a Starfleet officers, and were rude to him."  
She spit on the deck. I guess she doesn't like Starfleet officers. No offense to any who are reading this, but I don't blame her. They think they're all that. Greatest organization in the Alpha Quadrant. My behind.  
I could feel the ground rumble, and heard a crane coming down to pick up the crate I was behind. I got ready to jump up on top of it, but it never rose. The policeman had lay his phaser on the box, and asked the Bolian running the crane, "What's in these crates?"  
"Medical supplies," he called down.  
"Where are you taking them?"  
The Bolian was mad. I heard his feet hit the ground as he jumped out of the crane. "I am taking them to a planet, a good distance from here, that needs them. Anything else can be directed towards the guards."  
He swung back up, and hitched the crane to the crate, ready to pull it up. Before it left the ground, I put my hands over the top. I held on, dangling from the side, until it was high enough for me to climb on top and not be noticed. With some difficulty, I pulled myself up onto the top. I was never one with much upper body strength, and my forearms burned with the effort. I crouched like a cat on top of the box, waiting for it to be dropped into the waiting ship below. I watched the shadow of the hatch doors creep up the sides of the box. The crane was slow; probably an older machine. I felt a jolt as the box hit the floor. I fell flat on top, and lay until I knew I could move. Then I jumped off, and landed almost silently on the floor. I pride myself on that talent. As I searched for a way out, several more crates came down and sat beside the one I'd ridden. I heard the officer still arguing with the Bolian outside. Then the doors closed.  
"Shoot!" I yelled. I was stuck in the dark cargo bay of an unknown ship.  
  
In the dark, I think it took me over an hour to find a door that would open. What it opened to looked more like a Jeffery's tube than anything else. But anything was better than nothing. And nothing was where I was. So I crawled in. and crawled out a few moments later in a hot engineering room, where a very frazzled woman ran about, obviously trying to return the ship to warp capability. It was badly damaged, broken here, smoking over there. But it was all in one piece. She'd survive. The ship, that is. But the ship wasn't my problem. My problem was the very angry woman who now turned to face me.  
"Who the heck are you? How did you get here?"  
I swallowed. "I..."   
I was nervous. For I think the first time in my life, I couldn't come up with something to say. I took a deep breath. O.k., Tara. You've lied your way through life. Why are you here? Think! "I was playing Seek-and-Find with my friends, on the station. I jumped up on top of a box to hide. And a crane picked it up, and put it in the cargo hold of this ship. I just now figured out how to get out."  
"Klingon!" came a loud call from the bridge. The Bolian. "Who is down there with you?"  
"A stowaway!" she yelled back. Uh, oh. I thought. I'm in trouble. "Don't move," she told me. "Yeah," I mumbled. Gotcha. Whatever.  
Then the ship began to shake violently. I was pitched to the floor, with the woman. At first I thought the jolt came from the ship kicking into warp. I supposed the Klingon had succeeded in fixing the ship. She looked happy enough. Then a heavily armed Cardassian Gull appeared in the doorway. He was holding a phaser rifle, leveled at the other woman on the floor. Oh, shoot. I prayed he hadn't seen me yet. I scurried over to the side of the room. There was a set of stairs in front of my nose, and I quietly climbed them. I hid behind another box still praying. I wasn't about to tangle with that guy. He was huge! And I was defenseless. My revenge would have to come when the stakes were closer to even.  
The man walked up to my Klingon friend, and began to speak to her, softly. I couldn't hear what they were saying, but from the looks of it, the Cardassian wanted their cargo. He swung an arm around. "Where is it all?"   
"There are six decks of cargo space. It shouldn't be hard to find!" the woman quipped. Ha, ha. Chalk one up for the good guys. She showed it to him. I fell behind the box when he decided to touch her. I got the gut feeling I didn't want to see that. Thank you so much.  
I guess she kicked him, because the next sound I heard was strangled. Ouch. Now, I don't know what the exact effect of a good kick in the groin is on a Cardassian, but judging by the effect on a human, I guess it hurt pretty bad. Lost in thought again, I almost missed the beautiful humm of a transporter beam. Oh Prophets did I like that noise right then. Please, tell me it's more good guys. Phaser fire followed. Darn. I thought it was the good guys! I got up, slowly, and stared down the steps to see who had joined us. There were two people in the room, two men, standing next to the Klingon lady. One of the newcomers was definitely the kind of guy I like. Tall, dark, and handsome. I could barely hear his voice after the phaser fire had ceased. It was fairly pleasant. I walked slowly down the stairs, hands raised in what I hoped was a sign that I wasn't a bad guy. The other man in the room was barely visible now. He was hidden behind a box. Looking around, I opened my mouth to talk to them, and then I saw the other man. He whirled around, phaser drawn. And the wrong end of it was aimed at me.  
"No!" the dark man yelled at him. I need to explain! I thought. But he couldn't hear my thoughts. He fired the phaser. Listening carefully, I noticed that it was on a low setting, probably stun. But that was little comfort. I dodged to the side, as if I could possibly be any faster than the bright bolt of energy streaking toward me. It didn't hit my stomach, or face, which were the worst places I could think of to be hit with a phaser blast. But, I did get hit. Pain shot through my leg, starting at my calf, and spreading up and down. I felt as if they had touched a match to it, after it had been dipped in lighter fluid. I heard myself scream as I fell to the floor. The dull pain that came when I hit the floor meant nothing. The men continued to yell next to me, but I couldn't understand them. The burning had gone up the side of my body. It traveled slowly up my neck to my brain. I collapsed, face down on the deck, and couldn't even find the strength to pray.  
  
I woke up to bright lights in my face, and a surface beneath me that was at least softer than the deck. I was staring up at a woman hovering over me who looked oddly like my aunt Idna. The ridges on her nose were the same. And her dark brown hair was in a similar cut. Large brown eyes scrutinized me. She was beautiful, but powerful. I could see it. Then she bent down and examined the burns on my leg. She ran a tricorder over the wound, and I listened to it beep. It took my mind off the pain. I asked the Prophets to let it heal quickly, to put me out of this misery. The doctor leaned over me, and her face once again filled my vision, and blocked out the light. I was relieved. "This hypospray," she told me. "Will deaden the pain somewhat."  
The soft hiss of a hypospray melded with the same deep voice that had been on the ship in my behalf. "Yuri thought she was a terrorist. He shot her in fear."  
"He's always been quick to judge. How are you feeling?" she asked me. I sat up, and the pain returned to my leg. I lay back down. I said, "Do you really want to hear it?"  
She smiled, and I heard a low chuckle. I turned my head to see the man in the room. He stood with his hands placed lightly on his hips. He saw me looking at him, and we studied each other for a minute. I decided I liked him. Who wouldn't, face like that? Then he asked me, "What's your name?"  
"Liro," I told him. "Liro Tara."  
"Chakotay," he told me. I assumed that was his name. "This is Seska, our doctor."  
"Hello," I said to her. She smiled at me, and then glanced at Chakotay. Her smile widened. I think I was still a bit behind, because it took me a few seconds to notice the sickening look on Seska's face. Puh-leese! "Are you guys married or something?"  
Chakotay looked shocked; Seska was pleased. "No," Chakotay said, before Seska could object. But this woman was determined to hold her own. "Or something would apply Chakotay. And don't lie!" she said, as he opened his mouth to correct her. It took all my control not to laugh. This was going to be fun.  
"Well, can someone tell me where I am?"  
"The Liberty." Seska chimed.  
"Who do you work for?" I asked. I wanted to know if aunt Idna had any allies with these people.  
"We don't work for anyone," Chakotay informed me. I heard a note of pride in his voice. He liked his work. He struck me as a captain, of whatever ship this was.  
"Then what are you? What do you do?"  
Chakotay grinned. I liked his smile. "We are part of a group called the Maquis. We oppose the Cardassians that are trying to take land in the Demilitarized Zone."  
I was excited. Here was my chance! These men and women were fighting for my cause! If only I could join this crew; I'd show the Cardassians who I was! "Then you and I work for the same goal." I told Chakotay my story, about the temple on my planet.  
"I know," Seska said, with a sad hint in her voice. "I was on Bajor a few years ago. It was a mess. Then I joined Chakotay." She beamed at him again. I choked again.   
"And you're Bajoran?"  
"Yeah." Then something dawned on me. Maquis? I knew that word. My aunt traded with them sometimes. And she said if I ever joined any group, to join them.  
"Would you happen to know of a Liro Idna, a trader?  
Chakotay looked confused for a moment, then he seemed to remember. "Yes. We got supplies from her a few times. Why?"  
"She's my aunt. Well," I said, thinking of the station, "She was my aunt."  
"She had a lot. Did us a lot of good." Seska said. "I'll miss her."  
Bull, I thought. But that wouldn't have blown over well, so I stopped. They know Idna, I thought. And I was already allied with them, in their eyes, anyway. Being Bajoran, it was a given. I wanted to join their crew, to do something. Anything. But if they were smart, they'd get to know me before they gave me a seat on their crew.  
"Chakotay?" I asked. Might as well try. "Would you happen to be in need of an experienced wheeler dealer and spy?"  
"Spy?!" Seska screamed. "You're a spy?!"  
"Not here! I'm only here because I got shot!"  
"You're a girl." Chakotay told me.  
"You think," I shot back. "Have been since the day I was born. I've only been a spy since I was nine. That makes almost seven years in the business."  
"So you expect us to trust you?"  
"No. I'm not that dumb. I just mean I want to get my word in on those Cardassians. And this seems like a place I can do it."  
Chakotay sighed, and pondered my offer. He looked me over, and blinked. He glanced at Seska, who shook her head. He began to tell me he was going to let me off, but I stopped him before he said a word. "Look, I won't ask for any special privileges. All I want is to tell those Cardassian bastards who I am and that Bajorans will fight back. That's what I want. And I have no reason to hurt anyone who'd help me do that. Please," I begged him. "Think about it."  
He stared at me for a long moment. He was trying to read my face. I tried to show him all the determination I had. He saw it. "Alright. You sound sincere, and for now we'll give you asylum on our ship. You won't be given the duties of an officer until I know I can trust you. Deal?"  
"Yes, sir." I felt like saluting, but I didn't know how formal this guy was. Not very. "Chakotay's fine," he informed me. "And after Seska has given you leave from sick bay," he looked over at his girlfriend. "I hope you'll join us for a bit of a party tonight."  
"No way!" It had been years since my last party. "I'll be there."  
  
The party went great. I have never been exposed to so many different cuisines in the same room. When the food was over and the mingling began, it only took a few minutes for the Klingon lady to find me. Turns out her name was B'Elanna Torres. After we got over the stowaway thing, which she wasn't really all that aggravated about, we got along fairly well. We didn't have the same reason for wanting to join the crew. I wanted to kick some Cardassian butt. She wanted to have a place to belong. I understood her. Even though I'd always had Idna, I sometimes wondered if I might be better off somewhere else. Besides that, she had a crush on Chakotay. I laughed, but I didn't blame her. He was about ten years her senior, but stranger things have happened. Look how much older than me he was! But I wasn't thinking along any lines. Turned out she was. Made for some complicated situations. I warned her about Seska right off the bat. I told her about the nauseatingly sweet smiles, the hints of pride in Seska's voice. She told me she'd noticed too. I said it made me sick to watch them, and she laughed. Weakly, but like she actually thought it was funny.  
  
B'Elanna asked Chakotay to join the crew the same day I did. Of course, since she wasn't a spy, she was given officer prividges first day on the job. I was glad she wasn't leaving. My first friend outside of the drug ring! She was assigned to engineering. I was assigned to my quarters until Chakotay could trust me. And with Seska, who I could tell didn't like me, whispering sweet nothings in his ear, that time might not be for a while. To this day, I know not what she had against me. For the time being, I had nothing to do but wander around, mingling with the crew, and trying to make a few friends. People liked me. I didn't know they would. Lots of the crew, especially people who had been around for a while, remembered my aunt. They said she was a good person. What she was doing was illegal, but so what? Just talking to Chakotay was illegal. Being on the Liberty at all could give you a short prison term. Becoming a member of the crew made you a conspiritor and murderer in the eyes of Starfleet, crimes punishable by life in prison and/or death. How they can say and/or death I have no idea. I'd be interested as to how they can make it life in prison and death! But it's in the Federation rulebook. Look it up.  
It was three months before Chakotay even let me up on the bridge. I was unsurprised. I knew when I first saw Seska that day that she had fought him to the last on letting me come upstairs. I stood quietly, and watched proceedings, committing to memory everything I saw, where everyone sat, what everyone did. I even managed to remember most of Chakotay's commands. Many of them were the same ones used on Idna's ships. But a few were different, and those I paid attention to. I felt heavy brown eyes on me all the time I was there. But I let the bitch stare. I didn't care if she didn't like me.  
After a few days doing that, standing patienly, absorbing as much info about ships operations as I could, Chakotay asked me exactly what it was I wanted to do. I told him what I did on my aunt's voyages. I talked to people, basically. I made deals, haggled down prices, spied on potential threats, researched future clients to the best of technology's ability, and kept Idna company. Though she said that was my most important job, I thought that making deals was what I was better at, and gave her the most benefits. Chakotay agreeed. He figured he couldn't give me an official job, but when I was needed, I would be called on. "Until then," he said, "you'll be a go-fer." I swallowed, as he smiled. I hated the word go-fer. That just meant I had to do odd jobs, and go for stuff. According to Chakotay, there was no one on the ship who didn't have an assignment, no one who could be called on to do anything but what they were assigned to do. I had become that person. My professional life was over!  
Actually, it turned out being go-fer wasn't all that bad. It was only a week or so doing odd jobs before Chakotay had something for me to do. There was a small Cardassian base on Rynom five, an unheard of planet in the DMZ. But it was there, and not in Cardassian territory, so we were breaking up the base and it's forces. Granted, we weren't alone. Two other ships were there to help in the fight, but still, with headstrong captains, sometimes one head is better than three. The basic point of my job was, learn. About the establishment, everything that goes on. I was given access to every scanner and computer on the ship, which amounted to a lot. I sat down at ops, and set the computer so I could also tap into tactical. I did what I was best at. I scanned the base, first just a basic scan for any abnormalities, and then for a layout of the grounds. The results showed that the base was holding millions of metric tons of Tetracel White. They were waiting for Jem Hadar warriors to come in. That scared us all to our senses. The Jem Hadar, druggies though they were, were excellent fighters, and not the type to be reckoned with.  
Schedules for guards, schematics of the base itself, and an that analysis turned up weak points were a few of my accomplishments. I felt quite proud of myself. I turned the information over to Chakotay. I gave him a one-minute speel on what I'd found.  
"The station is heavily guarded. Here," I pointed to a computer printout of the base. "Here, and here the guard is weakest. Those are the two storehouses with the white in them. There are passages from there that lead straight to the core rooms. A well aimed shot at this point," Again I indicated the map. "would set of a reaction down the hall that should reach the core control room for that section. Once it's down, the other systems will begin to fall. Similar shots in each of the four sections should completely disable the base."  
He nodded, and smiled. "Good work, Tara." That was the first time he ever called me by my first name.  
He sent my report to each of the ships we were joined with. I watched him briefly explain the plan, and set the coordinates for us to join at. Ten minutes later, we came in for the attack. I again was called in. This time, I was told to sweet talk the man on the screen into ignoring us. The man on the screen happened to be a very large Cardassian. He didn't look like the type sweet talking would work on. But sweet talk I did, even though he was Cardassian.  
"Hello," I breathed. I hated using that voice on any man over nineteen. But what had to be done had to be done, and we had to get past this guard. "We're here on behalf of Gull Tankret, with supplies for the Jem Hadar."  
"Um.." he said, looking down. I read his expression. He wanted to know whether to trust me, or the scan that said we were a Maquis warship. I kept talking, knowing that it was the only way to get past him. He smiled after every word, my patented sweet voice in full force. After an award winning smile, all confusion on the Cardassians part was dropped. He happily lowered the forcefields protecting the station. Our ship cruised in, followed by a few friends, and blew them all to the ends of the universe. A few well aimed shots, and the idiot I'd enamored was gone.  
Chakotay was proud of me, and that felt good. The man and I became very good friends while I was on his crew. He quickly learned to rely on me to talk to people, and I was given permission to attend important meetings with him once in a while, just so I could do the talking for him! On the bridge, we bantered and argued as much as he and Seska did. Only, he and Seska argued about the stupid stuff. We yelled about our recent accomplishments, what he'd done wrong and what mistake I'd supposedly made. But he did appreciate my effort, and it was rewarded. The morning after my first assignment, we all talked about it on the bridge over coffee. It was a rare occasion that coffee was seen on the bridge, but an accomplishment had been made. And I was glad to have caffeine again.  
"Tara," Yuri told me, the caffeine having already gotten to him. "You rock. Get us out of a few more of those, and you'll rock and roll. Just like Elvis."  
He started to sing, a loud and annoying song I'd never heard before. Chakotay shook his head. "Yuri," he asked, grinning, "Exactly how much sugar is in that coffee, because caffeine alone can't get you that riled."  
"Ooooh, yes it can Chakotay. But, I don't quite recall how much sugar is in it. A lot. A whole lot. Ten spoons full. A hundred."  
"Five," someone murmured. "That's all it takes for that guy.  
The bridge erupted in laughter. The number of times the whole crew laughed in unison was small. We just didn't see enough funny things to make laughter common. And there were only two people in the room that time not in fits of laughter. Chakotay, who smiled a smile that was wide enough to make up for the fact that he never laughed. And Seska. That was just because she was mad at me. She was green with envy because Chakotay put so much trust in me. I wasn't even a threat to her. He still trusted her, and still relied on her for some things that I just couldn't give him. She hated me more every day, I swear she did. And every time I told Chakotay so, he just said, to hell with her. "You're good, a valuable part of the crew," he told me once. "If that big headed woman doesn't like it, too bad. Don't let her get to you!" As I recall, he said that just after he had broken off their yearlong affair.  
I did millions more jobs like that first one in the years that followed I can't even pretend to remember all the little ones. On top of it all, I did a few that were larger. Those I remember. My pride and joy, my favorite project, was when I had to get one of our officers onto Deep Space Nine using only the powers of persuasion. Chakotay told me one morning that he had made a deal with Weyhoun (who had a tendency to do anything he could get money out of) that said we could use DS9 every once in a while and get supplies from it's overflowing closet space. It was a huge opportunity. We had the option of a base, albeit a small one, close to Cardassian space. We could hit the Cardassians hard this close to their territory. And the Bajorans, our best allies, were just as close to them as we were. The biggest supply routes in the galaxy went through DS9 at least now and then, and many of the larger corporations were friendly with the Maquis. One of Chakotay's love affairs, also a good friend of Idna's, and mine, stopped there frequently. We wouldn't have to divert her trips to get supplies. Our ships could get information from DS9's database, and stock up on valuable data. The possibilities of this deal were endless. And the first link in the chain was I.   
Chakotay sent me out in one of the Liberty's shuttles one morning. Supposedly, it would make it easier to talk. Ok, I thought. Whatever you say, Chakotay. I was to talk to the first security guard I spoke to, and convince them that I was a private merchant, looking to sell my wares on DS9. No problem. I'd pulled off that lie before.  
I hailed the station. They responded, and opened a comm channel to my ship. Unfortunately, was faced with Odo. The almost shapeless face of the shape shifter was very unattractive to me. Flat features, lines where no lines should be. I cringed inwardly. Of course, I put the pleasantries on overdrive, hoping to make the discussion short.  
"I am Harki Quino," I told him. The name was one I'd used before. I had with it a thick accent that made the speech more believable. It was difficult, and if I used it for a while, painful. I was praying for a short conversation. "I am a small merchant. My stores consist of rare fabrics and clothing. I want to get onto the station, and distribute my wares." That was all, I said.   
"Humph," he said, thinking. "You are young."   
"Oh, my dear man," I said, bringing tears to my own eyes. "You see that I am. My parents are nothing but dead. I am left to support my sister, who stays on Divie with my grandmother. You understand?  
"Humph," he said again. I was getting through. "You are on a Maquis shuttle," I was told. Odo's voice was gruff, and his sentences short and clipped. "No," I informed Odo, "this ship was stolen from the Maquis, and I am using it."  
"Our scans of your vessel are inconclusive. Are there any other persons on board your vessel?"  
"No," I said. There was no one on board but me. I saw him thinking for a moment. Then he sighed.  
"We get many persons like you looking to distribute something or another that is worthless. Wait for authorization."  
He closed the line briefly. I took the moment of silence to review the plan in my head. I was to dock on the station, and while I was docking, Chakotay would transport to the shuttle, and accompany me to the meeting with Weyhoun. After the meeting, I was to return to the shuttle, and proceed to the ship, already some millions or billions of kilometers away. I sighed, and waited none too patiently for Odo.  
He came back on the line. Odo told me I could dock on thus and such a place, and I maneuvered to it. I hadn't done a manual docking for a long time, but I managed. In the four seconds it took me to dock with the station, I received a transport, one man. Chakotay stood next to me until the shuttle was safely alongside the station, and a Starfleet officer met me. His voice over the comm welcomed me and informed me I would be escorted to Odo's office and the Promenade. Chakotay's brows drew together in distaste, perhaps of the station, perhaps of the officer, and he walked to the back of the shuttle. In the dark, he hid until I was off the ship, and outside. I smiled at my officer, and waited for a moment, knowing that a tiny mechanical device had been planted and kept the door unlocked. Seconds later, I heard Chakotay's boots in the hall behind me. No doubt my escort had been able to ignore the sound of boots, in years wearing them. After we reached the Promenade, he left me on my own. I slowed my pace very slightly, speeding up only when I felt my captain's hand on my shoulder. "Good work, shorty," he said, quietly enough that only I heard. I smiled.  
We walked down numerous passages, meeting people only occasionally. No one asked any questions, which was to our advantage. Weyhoun had told us where we were to meet, and we proceeded there rather speedily. When we got to the door, we were admitted without a word. Weyhoun's purple eyes were rather intriguing, I thought. He grinned at me, and Chakotay told me I was to wait outside, and divert anyone who wanted to know what was going on. I understood.   
Chakotay held an hour-long meeting with Weyhoun. They worked out all the details of our deal. Where we were to be limited to on our visits, where we were to procure supplies, etc. And no one knew until days later! I talked away innumerable officers walking by. What they found interesting about that one hallway I will never know. I invented several stories on the way out the door, and silently practiced them. To the people who passed by, I enjoyed telling them. A game of Seek-and-Find was going on. A pair of lovers wished to be left alone. A planning session for the school newspaper was being held (I can't believe the Chell who passed by fell for that!).  
From the deal, we got weapons that lasted us almost forever, and free access to one of DS9's landing bays whenever we came by. The platform I'd used to get into the station was ours. Whenever we pleased, one of us could get in, and make any deal we needed to. Unbeknownst to Sisko, we used it many times to get supplies from Weyhoun, and sometimes from Kira Nerys, who also knew my aunt well. She never told Sisko or anyone else that we used their landing bay. She was friendly to our cause, having once been a "terrorist" herself. Not even Odo knew about us. He never found out! Never! If I could talk to him right now, I would laugh in his face that he never, ever found out that the Liberty docked over a hundred times on his station and took supplies right out from under his nose. And he never knew a thing about it!! Seska and I made friends with the Ferengi bartender, and often got drinks for the crew. Real drinks, not synthehol. Our captain looked the other way whenever we took it out. For one reason or another, he didn't drink much. Unless we had Romulan ale. Something in the blue liquid agreed with him. Occasionally, B'Elanna and I mixed a drop of something else with his coffee, just to see if he'd notice. On those occasions, we prayed we didn't need to do anything dangerous.  
Tom Paris came along a year or so after I did. He was a great help to me when he came on board. Much as Chakotay didn't like him, he could get into things I couldn't, records and things. He was also most pleased to keep Chakotay occupied and mad when I wanted at the sensor scans from the bridge. I wasn't allowed to run any of the stations on the bridge when I didn't have a project, so there was info I couldn't see all the time.   
There was no one better qualified to get the captain mad. Only he could piss Chakotay off like that. His dark skin was never darker as when Tom was being annoying. I thought he would explode on several occasions. It was at times like that that I doubted that I really needed the records that badly. I had to calm him down when Tom finally shut up. Calming Chakotay was the only time Seska and I felt comfortable joining forces. When his color returned to normal, she despised me again. We worked like that for a long time.  
I think B'Elanna and I were the only people who really liked Tom, and she wouldn't admit to it. Chakotay hated him, or at least he sure let on that he did, and with the way Tom treated him, I'm not surprised. He had right to despise Tom. But Paris helped me out sometimes. Getting back onto Deep Space Four to trace B'Elanna's steps back to her origin was a stroke of genius on our parts. We followed her tracks from the Liberty backwards, trying to figure out where she was from. We never found out exactly, of course. But the pursuit was fun, and the info we got was hilarious, to say the least. Tom had taken up an acute interest in B'Elanna, and wanted to know where she was coming from. No particular reason, I suppose. He just felt like being nosy. We had the idea because we were near DS4 while Chakotay was on the nearby planet, doing something diplomatic without me. No wonder it fell through. At any rate, Tom did a few scans of the place before we made any moves. We figured out where to beam in, and made a quick deal with the Bolian guard. It took us two hours to get into the right files, and after Tom was satisfied, we ran, laughing to where we'd beamed down, and came back up. Chakotay was standing on the platform, obviously very angry. We just smirked, and left. I haven't seen such a look on his face since. I was sad when Tom left.  
I had spent a few years on the Liberty when Tuvok joined the crew. I didn't trust him from the start. The tall, black Vulcan said he had quit Starfleet and wanted to join the Maquis. Now, I am not an expert on Vulcans, but what I know for sure is, no self-respecting Vulcan would quite Starfleet for the enemy. A few Vulcans that were a bit crazy have done it. We had a few Vulcan dropouts on our side. Hell, one was on our crew. But they weren't very self respecting. This guy was totally sane. It was obvious that he was. And partly for that, I disliked him on sight. I fought with Chakotay not to bring him in.   
"I don't trust him," I said. "And bad knows bad."  
"I know bad knows bad, Tara," he sighed. "But we need a Vulcan on the crew. We've been without a truly logical mind for a while. And he would help us."  
"Unless he's a spy," I said, half seriously.  
"So are you. And we let you stay," he smiled.  
"Chakotay, be serious," I said, hands on hips. "I'm a spy for you. Not spying on you!"  
"True." Chakotay sat down and crossed his legs. "That makes a big difference."  
"Yes it does." I knew he was being silly, but I wanted him to be serious."  
"Maybe he is a spy." Chakotay looked at me though his eyelashes. I would've been mad, had he not been so attractive at that moment. "Chakotay," I said, sadly. "You are a bit less than three times my age. Don't give me that look." I know B'Elanna would kill me if I told her I got that look, and I made a mental note to tell her.  
"Ha!" He refused to admit he ever gave me that look. He never meant anything by it; it was just fun. He looked up, and opened his hands. "But what do you want me to do?"  
"I," I emphasized, "Want to go out and learn about this guy. Spy on his history, so to speak."  
"Go where he's been, on his last ship, and ask questions?"  
"Bingo." I was happy he was getting my drift. He leaned forward. "How many times have you done things like this for me?"  
"A few. But I did it thousands of times for Idna!!"  
"You did lots of things for Idna that I won't let you do."  
I threw my hands up. "My father died when I was two. But if I believed in reincarnation, you would be his, Chakotay!"  
He chuckled. "Thank you."  
I gave an exasperated "Aargh!" He was so overbearing.  
Eventually, he let me do it. Tuvok didn't mind telling me where he had last been. I actually detected a note of pride I his voice when he spoke. "I was under the command of captain Kathryn Janeway."  
"So, where is she now?"  
"On the starship Voyager." Her name rang a bell. I'd heard about Janeway. Very briefly, I didn't know much, but our crew had a conference about her once. We thought it'd be better to know she was out there, because she led an attack on one of our bases years ago. Five Federation starships came out of nowhere, and annihilated our base on Rynom. It was a major hit. She had killed a lot of good men, some of our best officers. I guess luck was with us; Chakotay had declined to attend the meeting being held there.   
That was about when we found the Terikof belt in the Badlands, and set down there. Good thing we did, too. No one knows it's there. Well, except the Maquis. And even if the Maquis disbanded, they would probably take the location to the grave.   
The one thing I remember most about the briefing on captain Janeway we'd had years ago was the look on Chakotay's face when we watched her. He was fascinated. She was fair looking, shaped well, and moved very gracefully. Chakotay enjoyed watching her. I liked her voice. I don't know what to call it. Almost robotic was what Yuri thought. Metallic. And I almost looked forward to seeing her in person.  
Now, I'm very good in a communications ring, but it isn't too easy for a Maquis ship to break into contact with a Federation warship. So it took me a little while to get to contact Voyager. I left messages at all stages of the bureaucracy, waiting for an answer for days at a time. It really aggravated me too, because if Tuvok was a spy, the number of things he could do in a day was mind numbing. Then I finally got an answer as to where Voyager was at the present moment. Deep Space Nine, awaiting the start of their first mission. Finding someone who could let me on to the station was a synch. But getting onto Voyager herself proved slightly more difficult. I talked to every officer from crewman Belaris to the first officer. When I found myself talking to him, I was disappointed to see he was, I knew, a tight collared Starfleet officer. It would take a lot of talking to get onto his ship.  
"Hello, sir."  
"Who are you?" he asked me, gruffly. Boy, this guy wasn't going to beat around the bush. I was in trouble if I couldn't stall. It was in the stall time that I talked my best talk.  
"I am Tear Carolyn," I lied. That was my most famous alias.  
"That doesn't sound like a Bajoran name."  
Gosh, this is going to get exasperating! I thought. "I was raised by a woman on Earth."  
"Who?"  
"I don't have to tell you that!" I felt violated!  
"No, you don't."  
No, I don't. "May I speak with captain Janeway?"  
"Why?"  
Will we ever get away from these monotonous sentences? No, probably not. But now, what do I tell him? What kind of lie will get an uptight Starfleet to let me on board his ship? What about the truth? Ha, I laughed to myself. He won't believe me. What does it matter? I'll probably make him laugh, and most people enjoy a good laugh. And then he'll let me talk to Janeway. Ok, I thought, here goes. "I am a crewmate of one of her former officers, and I think he might be a spy."  
He smiled. Bingo! "Hold on."  
His face disappeared from the viewer. I was relieved. And I didn't even have to lie. Well, not much anyway. Saying that I was Carolyn Tear had become as easy as telling a cute guy I was one year older than I really was. It was just a lie repeated so often it became the truth. Sort-of, anyway.  
The next face I saw was that of captain Janeway. "Good afternoon," she said, quietly. I sensed a tint of amusement in her voice.  
"Good afternoon, captain," I said, putting on the charm. "How are you?"  
She was surprised at my politeness. Her eyebrows rose, and she smiled. "I'm fine, thank you. And you are?"  
"Alright, thank you. My name is Tear Carolyn."  
"Bajoran?"  
"Yes."  
She nodded. "I hear you think one of my officers is a spy." She was not a good actress. She was trying to look at me like I was crazy. But all she managed was to look nervous.   
"I hear you think one of my old officers is a spy?"  
"Not exactly."  
She smiled gently, and looked at me like a silly child. I had just turned nineteen, and it was damn sure I was not a silly child. "That's what you told my first officer, dear."  
"I realize that. Told him a story to make him smile. I don't like looking at people who are somber."  
She laughed. "As do I, Carolyn."  
Coming in for the kill... "I was wondering if I could come onto your ship, and talk to you in person."  
She shrugged. "I don't see why not."  
Well, that was easy.  
Minutes later, I was on the second Starfleet ship I'd even been on. The first one didn't really count, because later it lost its captain on charges of illegal drug dealing within the Federation. Pity. He was one of our greatest contacts.  
The transporter room was spotless. I had forgotten what spotless looked like after years on the Liberty. Looking around, I saw the first man I'd spoken to. He had a straight face, straighter than Idna's when she told me to stay out of her shipments when I was a child. I knew she meant business then, and I knew he meant business now. He looked at me in contempt, as if he knew I was from the enemy. But they couldn't know that. I had contacted them from Deep Space Nine. No one could trace that huge station back to one Maquis officer. Captain Janeway stood near him. She had a pretty smile on her face.  
"Welcome to Voyager," the captain trilled, pleasantly. "This is my first officer, lieutenant commander Cavit."   
The man looked somewhat older than Chakotay, if not a lot lighter. I nodded to him, and he inclined his head, scowling at me. I smiled, my biggest possible grin. That was always my reaction to people who were just a bit too bitter. And he was bitter. He made my back hurt, he stood so straight. How people like that can survive in situations that require skill, quick thinking, and sometimes even a sense of humor, I'll never understand.  
I asked the captain if I could see the bridge. Cavit jumped back as though hit. He was thoroughly astounded that I might go up to the bridge. Maybe it was just to astound Cavit even more, but Janeway told me I was welcome. I smiled, and hopped off the transporter pad. I paced out a step ahead of the two behind me, and heard the captain and first officer discussing me. I listened very carefully.  
"Why are we doing this, captain?" he whispered. "If she knows where Tuvok is, she must be from that Maquis ship, and she could be dangerous!"  
"She's a child," Janeway whispered back. "She won't be any threat, even if she is a spy."  
"She could tell Chakotay about us."  
"She won't be getting back to Chakotay. Not until after we do, anyway."  
*Gulp* I was instantly nervous. Had I given too much away? When? Starfleet was actually smart, I thought. At least, these officers are. So that's how they survive. I'm screwed. But, what were they talking about, "until after we do?" Were they after Chakotay? Why? He hadn't come out and done anything for a while. Wait, were they trying to get their spy back? We had been way out of communications range for a long time. I hadn't even spoken to him for a day, since I got onto DS9. I had to talk to Chakotay! I slowed up, because I really had no idea where I was going, and followed the two Starfleets for a few halls, and into a turbo lift. Cavit told it loudly to go to the bridge. My fear settled in my stomach as the lift progressed. These people knew who I was. They were after my captain. And I can't tell him a thing!  
I was very relieved when the lift stopped.  
The bridge was impressive. I'd never seen such a bridge. It was large, side to side and up and down. The ceiling was high, and when I looked up to see it, I was blinded by the light. The viewscreen was huge, covering the entire wall, and completely accurate. It was as though it wasn't even there, and you stared out a hole into space. The Liberty wasn't blessed with such things. We were a bit more practical. But I preferred her to this ant farm. People were walking around very quickly, punching commands into panels left and right. Crewman talked to the captain and asked questions, holding out PADDS for her to see. Chakotay would have been uncomfortable, perhaps even confused. Many uniforms rushed past me, many different colors. Red, yellow, blue... Cavit swished past me, and stalked down the stairs. He walked slowly past where the captain stood, and sat in the first officer's chair to her left. He glared at me behind her back, and then looked up at her, as though waiting for her to sit. Janeway herself was a thing to watch. She noticed Cavit looking at her, and swung in front of her chair, lowered herself, lay her arms down and crossed thin legs all in one motion. A picture of grace. I knew how much Chakotay wanted to be here, and recited to myself how I would describe it to him when I saw him next. Then I thought, that might not be for a while. I hoped silently that I would be able to see him before these Starfleets decided to put me away.  
"Captain," a voice came through the comm system, making me jump out of my thoughts. The sound was crystal clear, very clean, and not a pint of static. I couldn't see where it was coming from, no speakers, no boxes, nothing. It came from nowhere. They had another kind of comm system on the Liberty. I don't know exactly how it works. Of course, I don't know how much of anything works. That's B'Elanna's job.  
"Please report to transporter room one. Mister Paris has arrived."  
A light inside me lit up. Paris? As in, Thomas Eugene Paris? My friend Paris? I asked the captain, thrilled, "Would that happen to be Thomas Paris?"  
"Yes," she said, interested. Her eyes glinted, partially in amusement, partially in malice. Then I realized why, and my eyes wanted to widen very far, out of my head even, in horror. What had I done? I just told her I knew Tom. How could I know Tom? From Chakotay's ship!! Shit!! I knew she had made up her mind who I was. Janeway nodded to her first officer, who turned his gaze on me. His gaze had none of the amusement I saw in Janeway's eyes, only mean pleasure with finding me. I petrified. I pretended I hadn't seen the captain's nod and Cavit's gaze. I told the captain in what I thought was a calm tone, "Could you tell him Tear Carolyn says hello?"  
She nodded. "Of course, I'll tell him."  
After she left, Cavit jumped at me. He put a hand on my shoulder, led me around the bridge, and pushed me into the captain's ready room. I took several steps, regulating my voice and my fear. I leaned on the captain's desk behind me, getting my bearings. He stood me before him, and folded his arms. Before I could relax, or even figure out what to say, he bore down on me.  
"You are from Chakotay's crew?"  
I swallowed. "Why?"  
"If you are on his crew, you are a traitor to the Federation."  
Now, allow me inform you of my opinion of the Federation. The Federation believes that it is the only organization in the universe qualified to make laws. They believe they are the only good force in the universe, and all else was bad and unholy. And if you disobey one of their laws, you are wrong, simply because you are against them. Not because you've done wrong, but because you are not doing what they have assigned as good. If someone gets out of the Maquis, and wandered around for a while, then the Maquis caught them, and they hadn't done anything in particular wrong while they were in the Maquis, i.e. murdering an officer, they just let them be. Just let them go on and live their lives. They don't take you in for questioning, and then give you an extensive prison term. Starfleet seems to think it can. I call it Federocentric, kind of like Euro centric on Old Earth. And his last, Federocentric comment had just pissed me off.  
"And being a traitor the Federation, that's a bad thing?"  
He blinked. Wow. I guess my comment took him off guard. He too, like so many other officers, had been blinded by the Starfleet way, and he didn't, couldn't, realize that Starfleet might be wrong.  
"You could be tried, and put in prison." It was a weak defense, but unfortunately, it was true. As always, though, I had a response. "For what?" I asked, getting revved up for a fight. This was going to be fun.  
He had an answer ready, and spoke it quickly and confidently, wrong as it was. "Murder," he laughed.  
"Ha!!" I laughed back. I leaned against the desk, and smiled. "If I can be tried for murder, so can your captain."  
He was confused, but didn't want to let on. "Why do you say that?" he said, with a bob of the head. It really aggravates me when people do that.  
"I, myself, my individual person, has never killed a man." It was the truth. Seriously, I'd never had to. I was never placed in a violent situation where one on one combat was a necessity. I always had ways of diplomating myself out. Now Chakotay, well... he was a whole nother' ball game. "But my ship has fired on other ships, and killed people. Members of my crew have killed other people." I smiled at him again, looking my sweetest, ready to be proved right. "And all that applies to your captain. If I can be tried, so can she."  
He tried again. "Conspiracy."  
*Humph* "Where's your evidence that I was in a conspiracy?"  
"The Maquis itself is a conspiracy," he spat at me. I don't like it when people spit.  
"Bull!" I exploded! "We formed a union to fight for what we believe it right. And just because that isn't what Starfleet wants, just because we don't play by your rules, we're bad. Murderers and conspirators," I laughed. "You've attacked us as often as we've attacked you! Put yourself on trial!"  
He calmly tapped his communicator. "Security to the ready room."  
"What?!" I yelled. "You brought me in here, accused me of murder, and now you want to lock me in the brig? And you expect me and my people to play by your rules?!"  
He simply smiled, and crossed his arms. His smile lasted until three men in uniforms escorted me out. They walked me out of the bridge, and into the turbolift. I went cursing. When we walked out of the turbolift on the other end, we smacked into Janeway. She glanced at the officers, and nodded swiftly. Tom and an Oriental guy were in Janeway's tow. I looked to Tom, desperately. 'Talk to her,' I asked silently. He stared back at me, helpless, telling me there was nothing he could do. The other man looked at me like I was a mad woman. I grinned at him, letting him think what he wanted. I stood up, straight and tall and calm. He looked at me, staring like I was a drooling lunatic. Why I didn't know. He was just an ensign, right out of the Academy. He couldn't be much older than me. But his look was like he'd seen it all and had the right to judge. I looked him square in the eye, scaring him.  
"I am perfectly sane," I said. "Please, don't look at me in a way that would suggest otherwise."  
He walked on behind the captain, stunned. "I didn't say anything," I heard him mumble. Tom's snicker was barely audible.  
The uniforms took me on a few more trips on turbo lifts and down halls. I quietly walked with the men, thinking of how I was to get out, when the opportunity arose. Absorbed in my thoughts, I didn't notice when I was later led into a fairly small room. Cells line the wall, with panels on the side of the wall to lift and lower force fields. I was pushed in one cell, rather roughly. Feeling quite offended, I fell onto the bench. The man who pushed me brought up the forcefield, and left. I yelled after the guards as they left. Putting on an angry show sometimes makes people cocky enough that you can take them out. After they'd gone, there was one man left to guard me. I could take him, I thought. I could take him down, and get out, run around to the closest communications station and talk to Chakotay. It would have been easy, were the force field not there.   
I decided to give talking to him a shot. You never know, maybe I'd be able to get him to let me out. Chances were slim to none, more likely none, when I realized how stiff he was. Well, it made sense, choosing a stiff one to watch the brig, where crooks like me might try to talk their way out. We talked for a very short time. He didn't help me out much. He just told me where I was, which I already knew, and what we were doing. We were going after Chakotay. That was why I was in the brig; they didn't want me talking to Chakotay until Janeway had had her words with him. He also told me what I'd come for, that Tuvok was a spy on Chakotay's ship. But it was a bit late for that now, and the information didn't do me any good at the time. I sat on a hard bench, chin in hands, waiting. I don't know for what. For the shift change, maybe. For someone to figure out that I shouldn't be here. For them to get to Chakotay. For Santa Claus, the prophets only know. After a few hours I discovered that I was tired. There was not much happened in the brig. I was bored, so sleeping sounded like a good option. The bench was cold metal, but then again, so was the floor. I lay down sideways, on my arm, which decided to fall asleep shortly thereafter. I stared at the man on duty, eyes dimming. I stared at the door. Then, as it hissed open, I fell asleep.  
I never figured out who came in just then. The officer running the brig at the time refused to tell me later, and whoever it was didn't come forward and tell me who he was, or what he did. But it didn't really matter. I had learned from the stiff neck that the name of the officer assigned to the brig for the graveyard shift was a lieutenant, Gury Hant. He was a jolly human who smiled and waved at me when he came in. That took me by surprise. Wasn't I the prisoner here? Nevertheless, I liked this guy. He was from one of the African countries I'd never dealt with. Egypt, I think. I could converse with him, because he realized that just because I was in the brig, it didn't mean I was a bad person or dumb person. Just a person who was in the wrong place at the wrong time. I figured, if I ended up staying in the brig for a long time, I could've gotten stuff from him. Good food, a PADD to play with. He would've gotten it for me. But then he left. The next officer wasn't assigned to the brig, and wasn't happy about being there. Actually, he was assigned to engineering. Lieutenant Carey. He wouldn't talk to me at all. He only told me his name, then he shut me out, mumbling about unfairness. Had I not been in the position I was in, I'd have told him about unfair. I wished for B'Elanna. She was so much better of an engineer, I knew. And she was a friend to talk to. I didn't mind that he was mad at me. But I would've rather had him yell at me than sit in silent contempt. A girl, a nervous new member, manned the third shift. She also wasn't assigned to the brig, but she wasn't assigned anywhere else yet either, and didn't have anything else to do.  
After I'd been in the brig half a day, the ship jolted suddenly. We were no longer docked on the station. We were flying through space, though not too quickly, according to the girl. The ship was capable of warp nine point eight seven five, and warp two, the speed she said we were at, was just a cruising speed. I wasn't thinking much about the ship's speed, though I was slightly impressed. I was concerned with the fact that the ship was headed out to find, and most likely destroy, the man and crew that had filled the past few years of my life. I wasn't happy. At least my keeper had a mind like mine. She told me, she was tired of stuffed shirts and white collars. Cavit annoyed her, Janeway frazzled her. I appreciated the company. If only she had survived, we may have been great friends.   
Lt. Cmdr. Cavit stopped by while I was talking to her about him. I grinned at the doorway, and flicked him off, talking to my jailer as if he weren't there. He clicked up to my cell, and stared at me through the field.  
"If you hadn't let your temper get out of control in the ready room, you wouldn't be here. And anyway, you won't be here for long. You are going on trial, for murder and conspiracy." He grinned, laughing to himself, as if he actually had proof that I had done either of those things. I boiled. Prophets, he was lucky there was a forcefield between us. Otherwise, I would've knocked his cocky ass on the bulkhead. Splat. As it was, I just looked at him, holding up my middle finger. "Get the hell away from me," I whispered.  
He nodded. Then, after he'd taken a step away, he whirled back, surprising the girl, and slammed his fist into the forcefield. The impact rattled the room, loud noises issuing from the energy field, and scaring me out of my mortal wits. None of us in the room noticed but when his fist hit the force field, the entire ship was thrown wildly aside. We were in the Badlands. The second time the ship lurched, we noticed, and Cavit ran out of the room. The jailer followed.  
"Hey!!" I yelled. "Where do you people think you're going? I'm still here! Hey!!"  
I kept screaming, but Starfleet doors are fairly thick. At least that much is well made. No one heard me. I yelled until the first crack appeared in the wall. My force field went down eventually, thanks to a piece of bulkhead hitting the control panel with quite a bit of force. I waited for the calmest moment, and ran to the door. It opened after a moment, and I set my mind to getting to the bridge. The turbo lifts would be down, I assumed, and I wouldn't know where their Jeffery's tubes led. So I was pretty much stuck. I sat down on the floor. It seemed I wasn't allowed to sit, because the next burst of energy knocked me down. I curled up a corner, and watched, feeling like a frightened kitten. I have never been as scared as when I just sat helplessly as the ship fall apart. In minutes, bulkheads buckled and fell around me, and the ship twisted and turned as if we were on a roller coaster at a theme park. I loved coasters, but this was petrifying. I thought, for a brief instant, of telling them about the Terikof belt, because this tossing about was no doubt from a storm in the Badlands. The thought passed. One wild ride was worth the safety of my friends. I had no idea what was going on for hours. Every crewmember was at their battle station, and none of them were near me. I waited down on the floor, and watched for anyone who would come by. The turmoil stopped, but there still wasn't anyone around. Hours later, repair crews came onto whatever the heck deck this was no doubt to repair the brig. I was actually glad to see them. There were three of them, two tall and average in appearance, one short and interesting looking. They looked at me curiously.  
"What are you doing here?" the short one asked.  
I took a breath, preparing to lie. Then I realized that wouldn't do much good. I had already been in the brig. What else could they do to me? "I was in the brig. But the brig broke, and let me out. Things were falling all over the place, and I came out."  
They looked skeptical. I could tell they were contemplating putting me back in the brig. But they remembered what good that would do, so the tallest one tapped his badge to call the captain.  
"Ensign Rodd to the captain. We have a person here who says she was in the brig when we entered the Badlands, but now she's out here. What are we to do with her?"  
"Bring her up to the bridge, ensign."   
She sounded amused. I wondered why. They obeyed her orders, and the short one hauled me to my feet to stand between the tall ones, and the two uniformed men, who looked like they meant business, pulled me along. I spent corridor after corridor trying to talk to them, and it didn't do anything. I tried every trick in the book to get them to smile. The short guy cracked, chuckling once at something I said. I appreciated it, but the other faces didn't change. If anything, they became stonier with each joke. Spending only a few minutes with them made my face hurt. By the time we got to the bridge, I thought all of their features were just going to freeze, and never look normal again. They let me go when their boots hit the floor of the bridge. They gave me a little push. I didn't fall, like they expected. I had more class than that. I brushed myself off, and glanced to Janeway. With a flick of her head, indicated the viewscreen. With a yelp, I saw a face that I had been begging the Prophets to see again for hours.  
"Chakotay!!" I screamed. "You have no idea how..."  
"Can it," one of my guards said, loudly. I looked over my shoulder at him. He stared down at me, in a commanding way. I looked him up and down. "Who the hell do you think you are?" I turned back, and saw Chakotay smiling on the Liberty. He motioned to the guards. "Let her say the things she wants. They are appropriate for the situation. Let her, or she'll start saying things that aren't appropriate for any situation."  
Janeway looked at me in distaste for a moment, as I nodded to the guard, who backed up a step, and then she looked to Chakotay, as did every other face on the bridge. "I take it this is your spy, captain," she said, knowing she was right.  
He bobbed his head, still looking at me. "She's with us."  
"Duh," I mumbled. I was tired of the pleasantries. 'Hi, Janeway, this is Chakotay. Chakotay, Janeway. Are we ready for the punch and cookies?' I had questions. "Ok, I have a question," I spoke up to my captain. I raised a hand, emphasizing. The guards watched my hand carefully. "What are you doing on a Starfleet viewscreen, and where are we?"  
He grinned. I have long since gotten over melting when he grinned, and it didn't affect me. "Even though that's two questions, I'll let it slide. We are in the Delta quadrant, and I'm on a Starfleet viewscreen because she hailed me." He pointed at Janeway, while my jaw fell. I didn't care who hailed who. I was more concerned with the first answer. "No, wait. The Delta Quadrant? You mean, like the other side of the galaxy? What's the deal?"  
"We don't know," the blonde captain said. I reverted my eyes to her, fully prepared to listen well. "But we think it has something to do with the array out there."  
I mused over that. What array? I have been in the brig for a day. But I pretended I knew what they were talking about, thinking about whether I really did or not. Now that I think of it, I think I saw something floating outside when those guys where hauling me up here. Ok, so there's an alien array outside. What, the guys on the array took two ships from the opposite side of the galaxy in an instant. So what? WHAT?!  
"We have no details," I heard Janeway say. "But we will in a while."  
Uh, huh. Right. Whatever you people say.  
Then I felt a presence behind me, a warm person, a tall person. I looked back, cautiously. Tuvok loomed behind me. His darkness contrasted the light behind him. He stared at me, understanding without asking anything. He knew why I was here, as I'd known why he was on the Liberty. I told Chakotay, bad knows bad. Now, that we had met each other like this, and understood each other, I wasn't as mad at him. I knew I was right about him, and it made me feel better. We may be able to get along, someday. He just stood, and looked at me, Vulcan eyes betraying nothing. Of course, he forgot how easily I could see through eyes. Pleasure glinted in the eyes. Not at finding me, but at coming to terms with me.  
Moments on the bridge are long on Starfleet ships. I hadn't realized that the captain was contemplating. It took the captain a few minutes to decide to beam a group back to the array. According to her, they had been taken onto the array already, and probed, studied, by whomever it was that ran the operation. I wondered why I wasn't taken along with them. Maybe the array knew I couldn't do whatever it wanted the crew to do. They said one of their crewmen was still stuck on the array. Harry Kim. I recalled the name. Oh yeah, he was the guy that looked at me funny in the hall before the brig and nearly exploding ship. I pondered whether I would let him stay or not, but he had looked so na‹ve, so pure. We should give him a chance to live first, before we exiled him to an alien ship. Maybe later. B'Elanna was down there with him, Chakotay said. Now her I didn't want to stay. Neither did Chakotay. And even if she didn't know it, Janeway wanted her too. B'Elanna was too good of an officer to let go to waste. Janeway didn't know it, but she would find that out eventually.  
Janeway ran out of the bridge after our conversation, and beamed down from Voyager. Chakotay left from the Liberty, so I didn't get to talk to him directly. I was disappointed, but I dealt with it without much thought. What I didn't deal with without thought was that they left me on the bridge of a Federation ship with bloodsucking Starfleets. Every single one of them was looking at me, evil eyeing me. They obviously didn't like it that I was a Maquis crewmember on their ship. They'd have to learn to deal with it, at least for now. No one knew for how long. I looked to Tom in panic. Help. He stood up for me.  
"Guys, quit giving her poisonous looks, ok? She didn't do anything."  
"She's a murderer," a quiet voice popped up from the corner. I glanced towards the shuddering sound. The small woman cowering in the corner was the one with nerve enough to call me a murderer. The trembling little officer had just accused me again. I was shocked! How dare you! If you're going to call me a murderer, at least have Cavit's strength and get up in my face about it! "I never killed anyone. No one. None. Understand lady?! I don't care how many of your relatives were killed by the Maquis or by Bajorans, but I never, never, even in self-defense, killed a man. Do you get it?!"  
She spoke again, quieter now than she was before. She was frightened of me. I suppose fright makes people stupid. "Then why are you getting defensive?"  
I huffed at her. Third duh in three minutes! "If someone you'd never met before called you a murderer, and you knew for a fact you weren't, wouldn't you get defensive?"  
She nodded. "Yes."  
"There ya go."  
She turned away, and didn't say anything else. She just sat in the corner of the bridge, quietly, leaving me alone. I felt triumphant. I think Tom felt the same way, happy to share my tiny victory. He too had been a member of the Maquis, and he went to prison for it. So we had something in common in this discussion.  
I spent hours more time on that bridge. Tuvok asked me all sorts of questions about Chakotay, where is his origin, how did he get into the Maquis, things like that, like it mattered much now. I just told him that he could ask Chakotay himself. If Janeway couldn't find us a way home, I thought, they'd have a lot of time to talk it over. He understood that that was logical, and stopped asking questions. He also told me that the captain would probably be able to find us a way home. I didn't much care about that. Now that I had met Janeway, it was guaranteed that if I got home, I was going to prison, perhaps forever. That was just the way it was. I knew these people. They didn't care about a person. They only cared about the group that person belonged to. Federation or otherwise. Otherwise meant trouble. But there was no way they were going to get me to be in Starfleet.  
The away team came back soon enough. The captain informed me of their progress, or lack thereof, and then Janeway let me back onto the Liberty. Oh, sure, now that we're wounded and helpless, now you can let the spy return to her ship, with useless information. Sheesh. But it didn't matter to me, at least not that much. I was back on my ship with my people and my captain, and I was glad for that. After the muted "welcome backs" and "what have you learneds?" I learned with a heavy heart the Yuri had died, and Seska had survived. Chakotay got mad and hit me when I told him that. I don't know why.   
The Voyager persons had picked up an extra person. We weren't impressed, and talked among ourselves, about who he might be. Our fantasy's didn't come close to the truth. They told us they ran into a junk dealer in a debris field, who talked funny and had limited experience with water. Tuvok had to introduce him to the concept of a bath. We were disappointed, and no longer wanted to meet him. Yuri's replacement at the navigation station, Orwell something, I could never remember, thought it would be funny to try to explain what a bath was to a person who had never had the experience. He still wanted to talk to the Talaxian. I myself would not want to meet a person who didn't know what a bath is. I don't think I could stand it. And I would introduce them to it. A mister Neelix, they said his name was. Strange name for a strange man. It made sense to me. Talaxian was what he said his people were. It was obviously a Delta Quadrant species, because I'd never heard of them. And in our business, you hear about everyone and everything, friendly and non-friendly. He was supposedly very odd looking, strange ears, spots, and long thin hair. And dirty. Orwell was the only person who still wanted to meet Neelix.  
Turns out we weren't done with the array and the planet it orbited. With advice from Neelix, Chakotay and Janeway, as well as a few other crewmembers, beamed down to the planet to bargain with a species known as the Kazon. I guess they lived down there, on the surface at any rate. The team wasn't going down to get Harry and B'Elanna, and I wondered why. I requested to join the team, to have something to do. Janeway objected to letting a little girl go on the away mission, and she didn't ask Chakotay. So I was left. When I returned to the bridge of the Liberty, I asked our remaining bridge officers what the deal was we were engaging in. Seska told me with a smirk that the planet was a desert, and water is a precious commodity. If you have water, you can have everything you want. So they took water down, tanks and tanks of it, to get some little lady, Neelix's girlfriend we later discovered. I was a bit confused as to why went down and bargained for Neelix's baby. But she wasn't bad. They said her species was Ocampa. They lived underground in the planet, away from the desert, and away from the Kazon, who supposedly were not very nice. And Harry and B'Elanna were down in there with them, so neither ship was going anywhere until we got them back. Chakotay would not give up B'Elanna, we all knew that. And I expected that Janeway wouldn't want to give up her crewmember either. They went back to the planet, at least once. And I was left on the Liberty, with Seska. I asked Chakotay, thought about begging Chakotay, to let me come down. He made me stay. I think he gets perverse pleasure out of leaving me with that woman. We argued until they came back.  
"Why do you have to complain so much?"  
"Because you're boy toy left me here to keep you company!"  
"I don't need your company!"  
"I know that! It's Chakotay that doesn't!"  
I longed constantly for when they would return.  
Chakotay didn't come back to the Liberty after the scene on the planet. He went back to Voyager with some loose ends to tie up. We talked to him over the comm, of course, and learned about Kes, the little lady. The third time they left the ship, they did it with the intent of returning Harry and B'Elanna to their rightful ships. Finally, I thought. It's about time we went after our people. I asked Chakotay to let me go, and when he said no again, I just went to my quarters, and tidied. I have to be extremely angry and even more bored to tidy my quarters. It took me a while to clean. It looked like our ship had taken a similar beating to the Starfleet one. My room was in shambles. Everything hung down from the ceiling. My bed had flipped over and lay in pieces. I spent the next hour they were down there cleaning up, welding my bed back together, putting my things back I place, and trying to find the things unaccounted for.  
Voyager hailed us after a few hours, but it was to inform us that Chakotay came up again onto the Starfleet ship, this time because he was wounded. It was said, the stairway they were climbing to get from underground to the surface collapsed. I felt Seska's fear creeping towards me, and tried to ignore her and listen to their message. They told us they had B'Elanna, which was good. I wondered how long she could stand a Starfleet ship. There must have been a reason she quit Starfleet. Being on a ship wouldn't help her be a settled person.  
Chakotay arrived moments later, B'Elanna in tow. Before we could even get out our hi's and how do you do's, we were ordered to beam over to Voyager. I asked why as the crunch of people went past me, and Chakotay wouldn't tell me. He just lay a hand on my shoulder, and walked past me. After our brush offs, we all herded over to the Starfleet junkship. All fifty of us stood with nothing to do. We didn't know what we were supposed to do. The Kazon came by in full force, and Seska was all for making it to the bridge and running it while Janeway and Tuvok weren't there. We were under attack too, not just the Starfleets, and from the way we felt the Federation starship jolting under our feet, we knew no one up there was doing a better job than we could. We got madder and madder at everyone. We shouldn't be here. We belonged on our ship. Everyone knew that. A brawl broke out, Maquis flying from wall to wall, fists flailing. Even though the Starfleets tried to stop it, we unleashed our full Maquis potential on whoever pissed us off. The security officers ran out of our deck, what had become our deck, and we didn't stop fighting until we heard from Chakotay.  
After Chakotay came over to the Federation ship did we hear what he was planning. And Prophets, were we mad! He had, without our consent, made a deal with the devil, joining his crew with Janeway's. And there was nothing we could do. The Liberty was scrap metal. Chakotay had used it as a battering ram against one of the Kazon battleships that had been attacking Voyager. Per Chakotay's orders, we were now stranded in the Delta Quadrant in a Starfleet ship. Pluses were, we were all still together. Chakotay was still with us all. And he'd been made the first officer of the floating remnant of the Alpha Quadrant. At least we still had some power here. We could still do something with ourselves. One timid little boy asked if the array was still intact. He said, "If it got us here, can't it get us home?" Chakotay nodded, slowly, but sighed. He told us that the array had been destroyed. Janeway had destroyed it to save the Ocampa on the planet. If the Kazon got control of the array, the Ocampa were doomed. The Maquis crew was on the Starfleet's ship. Our ship was scrap metal, floating out there. And in fear, Janeway ran off too fast even to salvage parts.  
  
Our crew was given quarters onboard Voyager. There was a lot of space available. The Starfleet crew wasn't a full one when they'd left, and as many crewmembers had died from Voyager as died from the Liberty. We now had a full crew, 150 people, give or take. We were comfortable physically, with nice quarters and soft beds. Starfleet issue sheets were a pain, but livable. But we didn't want to be there. The crew was nervous, out of place. It banded together, kept the same cliques as before. It took a few days for us to even talk to the Starfleet crew. I spent a lot of time with Tom and B'Elanna, people I knew. The Starfleets didn't make life easier for us. They didn't pretend to be friendly. I don't know why. The Voyager crew knew that we'd be together for the next seventy five years on our way home.  
Chakotay found himself running around in circles, talking to the captain, calming down really hostile crewmen. He looked frazzled. But one day I caught him for a few minutes in his quarters.  
"I'm still a bit lost," I told him, sitting down in a chair. He was jumping around, juggling his duty shifts, but he managed to sit down after a while. "I don't know exactly what happened that first day."  
He took a deep breath, and explained. "The Caretaker was a very powerful being that came to this planet with his mate. He made the planet into a desert by mistake. Then he felt guilty, and began taking care of the people that lived there, the Ocampa."  
"Kes," I supplied.  
"Yeah, Kes. At any rate, he took care of them underground. But he was dying, and so he sent out something to bring ships here, to see if any of us could take his place. That's how we got here. The Kazon don't like the Ocampa. We don't know why, but it may have something to do with the water down there. At any rate, after the Caretaker died in front of Janeway she knew she had to destroy the array, lest the Kazon use it to wipe out the Ocampa. It was our only ticket home, but she felt it better to save a few million lives than a hundred and fifty."  
I nodded. I agreed with her. Who was it that said, the needs of the many far outweigh the needs of the few? Someone important. And any way, we could get home. Somehow. It'd take a while, most definitely, but we'd do it. After the few days I'd been on her ship, I knew Janeway as a capable woman, one who would get us all home, even if it proved to be the last thing she did. I nodded to Chakotay, and left feeling better, knowing why we were left out here, and confident we wouldn't be out here forever.   
Chakotay suggested assigning me to ops, second shift. Janeway agreed. I fell in right after Harry Kim, in the middle of the afternoon. At least that was the time I was the most alert, and it was bright to assign me to that time. We got to know each other pretty well, Harry and I. He was happy to teach me some of the little tricks you could do on a Starfleet ops panel. They weren't as complicated as they looked. And ops could tap into anything. If you were good enough not to get caught, you could walk around in the ships systems and look at every item of data ever stored. Classified files, scans of the battles, but the most fun was a card game that had been installed to kill time. Solitaire, I think. It was fun when you had nothing else to do.   
Every now and then, I was invited to the morning and noon briefings. They were boring, and unless we were in conflict, there was usually nothing interesting to report, but only higher officers attended them, and I liked to be considered one. I sat at the far end of the table, listening quietly, sometimes giving input when I felt I should. The captain said I was a valuable crewmember, and I felt special. I continued to be a valuable crewmember until Voyager's reentry into Earth space, and continued to feel special.   



End file.
